New Obsession

The 'Operators Standing By' archive of notes from an answering service. A brief sample:

• A cable customer in Pennsylvania called, inquiring about how to get PPV. He sounded very nervous and all of about 12 years old, so I figured it was for porn. I settled back in my chair, preparing to have some fun at his impressionable young expense, but sadly, I didn't get far before I heard an adult voice in the background say something. My prepubescent friend, obviously very unnerved, scrabbled with the phone and managed to get out "I didn't call nobody! They called here!!" before hanging up. (11:35pm)
  
  
  
• A customer needed help ordering Pay Per View in Pennsylvania. Apparently this phrase was too much for his mind to comprehend: "Press the 'OK' button to confirm your order." (11:35pm)
  
  
  
• One of our companies must have had trouble in the past with ex-employees calling in and obtaining information, for they now require their employees to give a secret code to pick up messages that we are holding. This fact is mentioned three times in different parts of the account. Unfortunately, whoever set it up forgot to actually mention what the code is to any of us. So, the next time an employee calls and says "The blue camels graze at twilight," I'll have to respond with "Sure, that sounds good." (11:44pm)
  
  
• When told that a company's office hours were 8am to 5pm eastern time Monday through Friday, a woman asked "Are they open Saturday?" This sort of everyday stupid shit is really becoming wearing. (8:56pm)
  
  
• Another caller, this one in Pennsylvania, said he didn't have his phone number because his wife wasn't home. Apparently, she didn't let him have dangerous knowledge like that. He said one of the cable boxes was not working. When told someone would be out ASAP but possibly not tonight, he had a fit and demanded credit. When told that only billing could give credit, he said that either I would personally give him credit or he would not pay his bill this month. I rarely laugh at callers, but I did this time. He ultimately walked away a very disillusioned little man. (10:04pm)

...and if the art looks familiar, that's because the site is by Nikki alias Jet Wolf, with artistic help from Amy aka Mimi. Yes, I'm naming the co-creators of As If! ;-) (OSB also had help from Nikki's love & coworker Mike.)