jenk

Happens every year: The Earth has tilted its north away from the sun. Oz's sunlight per day is growing, ours is decreasing.

Sunday morning we ended "summer time" and reset our clocks back. Once again Seattle's sunset is before 5pm. It'll stay that way until next year.

We also hit less than 10hrs between sunrise & sunset this week, but it's the "dark before 5" that's been bugging me the last few years. I don't remember noticing it when I was younger...¹

Some people aren't affected by the swingin' circadian rythym. So what if it's dark when you go to work and dark when you head home? Others of us plan our days so we get actual daylight even in December, stock up on caffeine, bake, or generally hibernate and laugh at the book on the right.

The "less than 10 hours of dark" bugs me in June (and May and July) too, but between

• My sleep mask (dianthus' suggestion)
• Dark drapes
• Watching caffeine before dinner
• Taking melatonin a couple hours before I intend to sleep

... I actually GOT enough sleep this year. Even in June. :)

Other than making sure I get outside during daylight for a walk and maybe installing more outdoor lights², I'm not sure I've got a solution for The Big Dark. Maybe getting outside more on weekends? Hitting the library for funny mysteries? More sex?

¹I think it did affect me, but that I wasn't consciously aware that it was tied to the changing sunlight patterns. School was always easier in spring or early fall than in winter - and once I was on a quarter system, I definitely got better grades in spring & summer than fall & winter. Before that - I remember going to bed at 8 and being asleep by 9 with no problem in winter, but come June I could not get to sleep until after it was dark.
²One of my frustrations with how soon it gets dark is that it's always dark when I get home - increased visibility might help me avoid stupid things like slipping in my own damn driveway.

“You know kids, nobody can ‘make you’ feel anything. – You do know that right?” (they look confused)

“No, seriously,” I say, “ You can be, if you choose, in control of your feelings. Nobody can make you angry, nobody can make you sad, unless you want to be.”

They scoff, and without fail, one of them says, “My parents make me angry” – or even better - “I can make people angry”.

And there follows an experiment, where the teenager tries to make Peggy (the Quaker preacher in the story) angry. And at the end, she reports:

“I am feeling slightly amused, and proud of you, young man, you showed courage, you gave it a good try. You didn’t flinch. I respect that. I like you. – I am not, however, in the least bit angry.”

Then I ask the class if they can figure out why he failed. They are smart. They [...] come around to “You didn’t want to be angry. You made up your mind that you weren’t going to get angry.”

And that is the "bingo" moment. A human can choose a particular reaction. We can get better at picking what we're going to feel or do.

Just because people are offensive does not mean that I have to be offended. What a time-saver....

Read the rest, it's worth it.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
- Unknown

I have come to the conclusion that one of the things that separates the grown-ups from the kids is that grown-ups can realize, "Hey, I'm overreacting to this, I need to step away and calm down."

A variation of this is being able to step away from the lurking anxieties that are so good at fueling insomnia. Whether it's distracting yourself with solitaire, or training your mind to focus on something else, or talking it over with a friend or partner, relaxing the body with stretching, or a sleeping pill, or a warm bath and a good book.... how you move on from the anxiety depends on the individual. The key thing is to realize "Hm, worrying about this isn't getting me anywhere," and move on.

And I am heading off to bed, m'self.

Modern Life[tm] without power is interesting. However, it is NOT up to Wash's definition of "interesting", which, for the Serenity-impaired, is: "Oh god, oh god, we're all going to die."

Reminding myself of this can be proportion-making.

What we've lost: ( Read more... ) ...I was writing up the stuff still at risk and my plan for getting my emotional equilibrium back to around "normal" when two things happened:

1. dustin_00 IMd that our outside lights are ON, , and
   
   
   
2. My company's HR specialist offered to put us up in the Sheraton until our power is restored. (Which, um, I declined, as it has been restored. But still.)

I feel really really good right now.

Yesterday a conversation touched briefly on perfectionism: how being hyperaware of one's faults can hamstring all action.

Today I noticed a book I haven't looked at in years. And I found the following piece:

Forgive
You did the best you could with who you were and what you knew at the time. As soon as you learned something better, you did that.

So why can't you forgive yourself and others for past mistakes?

For some people, punishment is not enough, atonement insufficient, retribution never satisfying. They wallow in guilt. They refuse to forgive themselves or others. They lose the future because they are trapped in the past.

Search out the painful mistakes in your past and prepare a certificate of forgiveness, complete with a gold seal for each one. ( ... )

Give one to yourself: "I'm not perfect.... I made a mistake..."

Create your certificates, forgive yourself. Then, sit down, relax, breathe deeply.

Let go of the guilt, let go of the past, breathe in the present and stay open to your future.

~ From Windows, by Jennifer James.

Resilient people do not let adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.

[One way to foster resilience ] is to maintain independence. Survivors draw boundaries between themselves and troubled parents; they keep their emotional distance while satisfying the demands of conscience. Resilient children often hang out with families of untroubled peers. As adults, the resilient children of alcoholics marry into stable, loving families with whom they spend a great deal of time.

Survivors cultivate insight, the mental habit of asking themselves penetrating questions and giving honest answers. They also take the initiative. They take charge of problems, stretching and testing themselves. ( ... )

Reframing is at the heart of resilience. It is a way of shifting focus from the cup half empty to the cup half full.

- From Psychology Today

Many are learning the art of stepping outside the past to create a better present. May we be able to give helpful nudges as appropriate...

( Our lives have far more meaning than merely what we do for a living, and we can develop other ways of maintaining our sense of self-worth and optimism. ) Generally I've found that the better I am at my work and the more absorbing - and enjoyable - the work is, the harder it is to keep it in perspective. To realize that work is just a part of my life, and it's not my only source of worth. But, "Perspective: Use it or lose it." (It's from Illusions.) Sooner or later you *will* need it.

Of course, my particular bugaboo is seeing my work as my worth. Others may derive their worth from kids, parents, partners, possessions....

Jane Brody's column this week reviews the book The Power of Resilience by Dr. Robert Brooks and Dr. Sam Goldstein, both psychologists. A few thoughts on learning and practicing resilience:

[W]e should ask, "What is it that I can do differently to change the situation?" Identify your negative scripts and assume responsibility for changing them.

Nurture your self-esteem. Be true to yourself rather than trying to be what someone else expects of you. Focus on what you can do, tasks you can achieve, situations you can influence. Take an active role in your community or in an organization or activity that helps others.

Develop a new skill [....] Take a chance on change if jobs, habits or activities you've long pursued are no longer satisfying or efficient.

Change is frightening to people who lack resilience, but those who try it usually find that they land on their feet, and that fosters resilience. And if a new path does not seem to be working out well, change again.

Take a long, hard look at the people in your life and consider abandoning friends who drag you down or reinforce your negative scripts. [...]

Seek out activities that elevate your spiritual life and nurture your inner strength: for example, art, music, literature, religion, meditation, the great outdoors.

Much of this is what I think of when thinking about creating a life I enjoy. I did some of this sort of thing after college. The twist here is actively seeking change for the sake of practicing changing. That, for me, is a new idea. And an interesting one.

( Full article behind the cut )