jenk | Entries tagged with death

Monday afternoon I spoke with him, briefly, on the phone. I told him a bit about Consonance, that one band included a guy playing an actual metal washboard. Dad laughed and said that "You don't see that much anymore."

I left work at 4:30 and headed to Dad's Adult Family Home. He died shortly before I arrived. I spoke with the staff, several of whom I've gotten to know over the last 6 months he's lived there. Mel in particular was grieving. The hospice nurse confirmed the funeral home (Evergreen-Washelli) with me and that it was okay to take away the body. ( details for me )

Overall I think I'm fine. Then I feel very tired at the idea of doing something simple. I'm not 100% by any means, but I'm not incapacitated. I'm just ... here.

Her books were a large part of why I am still a Christian; her writings about faith and the church are a large part of why I became Episcopalian.

Good-bye and Godspeed, Madeleine.

( news articles )

Current Mood: sad

It's a question that many have to wrestle with.

In Vailia Dennis' and Art Buchwald's cases, it was a conscious choice. That's probably better than skipping check-ups or ignoring a possibly cancerous lump because you don't want to know...but it's still a choice.

And I know quality and length are not always either-or. I'm told that treating my sleep apnea increases the chances that I will live longer; I know the better sleep I get improves my current quality of life.

Either way, choosing to put quality or length of life first is a valid choice to make for one's self. I doubt it's always easy ... but maybe it sometimes is.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Barenaked Ladies, "Lovers in a Dangerous Time"

...or the last few days, however you want to think of it...

Thursday I met up with

jw1776,

dianthus and

skydancer for dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Then off to Starbucks' and the Grind.

skydancer and I had planned to leave by 10:30, so

dianthus naturally planned to ride home with

jw1776. As it turned out,

jw1776 and

dianthus were home before we were...

Friday:

jw1776 called me around 2pm. "Hey, would you like a massage and a facial tonight to celebrate your birthday? And maybe dinner somewhere special?" Well...YES. I was a bit confused since my birthday is next weekend, but

jw1776 explained that this way it's a surprise. My back didn't feel up to a facial bed, but the massage & steam bath were marvelous. :)

Saturday I vegged while

loba and

jw1776 went shopping. I got the follow-up call I've been expecting from a "family services" person at Evergreen-Washelli asking about how we're doing, did I have any feedback on how they handled Mom's cremation and memorial, and oh, had we thought about making plans to join Mom and Dad eventually, and you know, we really should have a cremation trust account setup since insurance and so on often aren't available until much later...sigh. I demured and went back to my book. I did laundry, but that was the extent of my productiveness. I did have brunch with

skydancer before he went to work. Later we had dinner and went to Tubs ;) Once I got home I somehow became busy...doing dishes, cleaning the bathroom, and so on.

Sunday, well...I am no longer in the clique that had not read The Da Vinci Code. As for the "incredible un-Christian relevations" within, the only one new to me was ( may be TMI ). We also did dim sum with

dianthus and homemade pizza with

skydancer.

And today, well, back to work. But

jw1776 got me Vermonty Python.

Current Mood: life is good

We went to Todai's for lunch and didn't see anyone we knew. Weird...well, maybe not so weird. Just another reminder that I'm not at the con anymore. See, at con, you spend most of your time at one hotel and the restaurants nearby - so running into people is SOP. The outer bar chairs are popular because you can chat with whoever wanders by...

So, this con. I helped

cyberangel_'s crew with setup, breakdown, and some stuff in between. I ~~ogled~~ straightened earrings, rings, necklaces, and so on. I learned how to run the new credit card machine. I got to

runnerwolf's woo-woo panel and asked leading questions. I heard some new Heather Alexander songs, and pre-ordered her new album. I chatted with a bunch of folks I hadn't seen in a while. I laughed & cried & held the service book for Mir at the St Chiros Easter Vigil.

I was grateful for the friends & heart family who checked in with me over the weekend, which was largely why Springsteen's "Blood Brothers" touched me last night... Yes, all the walking and lifting and long hours and unfamiliar schedule, food & beds had their usual effects. I had some unexpected roadblocks too, mostly having to do with Mom and my "normal" Easter rituals. ( Mom stuff )

Anyway. By Thursday night I was an overly emotional mess. Friday was worse. But I dealt with it.

I am glad we got there Wednesday, so Jesse & I had a bit of "us time" before the con began in earnest. I was honored to hear yesterday that I was a big part of why someone else enjoyed the con.

by Jen, age 39 11/12ths

( The body ) ( Memorial Service ) ( Practical Notes ) More info:
FTC on funeral choices:
http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/services/funeral.htm

Embalming:
http://www.morbidoutlook.com/nonfiction/articles/2004_02_modfuneral.html

General on memorial services:
http://www.funerals.org/faq/memorial.htm
http://www.uua.org/clf/betweensundays/earlychildhood/LessonsLoss.html

Differences between funeral practices by religion:
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/78/story_7894_1.html
http://entertaining.about.com/cs/etiquette/a/funeraletiquett.htm

Thinking about finding a church closer to home.

Filling the windowsill of my cube (yes, I have a window cube now) with origami critters. Whale, dragon, guppy, ladybug, frog, swan, and today's pig. Also a cube, ninja star, b-ball hoop, and church.

Read the new Mrs Murphy book Sour Puss. Spotted the murderer 1/2 through but had the motive wrong. Re-read the one before the last (when Murphy's human quit her job) to remind me of the recent changes....re-reading the last one now.

Browsing

dark_christian. Did you know that excessive eye contact is "optical intercourse", a sin worthy of expulsion? Or that Tom DeLay is no longer House Majority Leader because he's a Christian? Fascinating.

Went shopping this weekend with

cyberangel_. Wow, in addition to the 70s earth-tones and ruffles, they've added the faux peasant look and gauchos. As one page puts it, "Really good this one didn't last."

I'm glad

jeliza got Happy Pill back online. As she put it, "The Happy Pill project examines and parodies the gender roles and tropes of modern advertising. The project culminated in my graduation show from Photographic Center Northwest, and consisted of a large installation, creating a faux meeting room for the advertising agency of a parallel universe."

Did laundry & some rearranging in the garden yesterday. Funny how easy it is to pick up a 5-lb rock, and how sore I feel the next day after moving 30 or so of them...

If anyone reading this didn't know, my mom died the last day of February. Overall I'm doing okay, tho I'm still adjusting. Of course, now I'm adjusting to the time change too.

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: Susan Ashton, "Walk On"

The memorial service was yesterday. Overall I think it went well.

Worry that came true: Not many people went to brunch (18) ( There were more worries that didn't come true. ) Jan did a terrific job on the eulogy. A few people commented on the music being a good choice. It was a mix of family, Mom's friends from the neighborhood, and former "daycare kids" and their parents.

My cousin Linda told me her godmother welcomed her into "the club of motherless daughters" at her mother's funeral. Linda assured me I wasn't alone, and to feel free to call or email if I have questions or problems adjusting to club membership. I thanked her. I also thought of

dianthus,

cooncat, and others I know who are also in the club, and have already been welcoming. :)

Afterward I came home, showered, and puttered about the house a bit. Some friends came over for pizza. I'd planned to get out Fluxx or Apples to Apples but I forgot. Guess I had too good a time or something...

Thanks for the good wishes, energy, prayers, candles, and so on from y'all. Tomorrow I go back to work. Maybe I'll be able to, you know, really FOCUS on work. I hope so.

Current Mood: hopeful

Done:

Cremation complete. Urn has been placed in the Columbarium at Evergreen-Washelli.
Death notice submitted to the Times & P-I.
Ceremony organized.
Text of program set.
Music selected for the service and for "bumper" (before/after the service).
CD made & labeled.
Sent Aunt D the text of her reading to practice with.
Gave Jan a copy of the ceremony to practice with (she still has to write the eulogy, but that's hers to do).
Asked about previewing the movie; probably can on Friday.
Sent a gift basket to the staff of the nursing home with a thank-you card.

Still to do:

Actually print the programs. Kinko's here I come...
Buy guestbook.
Get a black half-slip. (New rayon skirt, tulips on a black background - I don't want to risk anything showing through)
Warn Marie Callendar's that we may get there earlier than we thought.
Made plans for lunch tomorrow
???

I'm sure it will come to me. :) But writing this out has been a bit relaxing all on its own. Yay relaxing. I hope I will feel less freaked soon. This tired-but-frentic feeling is getting on my nerves.

I've also been taking time to be with people I care about. The "worker" part of my brain tweaks a bit at me being social when I'm less productive in getting work done. Normally, if I'm slowed down the way I have been, I'm sick or overworked, and need to more rest. But now isn't normal. Rest is good but so is being with people who care. Relaxing with people I trust is rather restful right now, actually...

Ok, going to light some candles and take a bath now. Night...

Current Mood: stressed

jw1776, for patience & caring...

sar_anon &

k_crow, for coming to join us for dinner even tho they'd already eaten...

dianthus, for listening and being patient with me...

runnerwolf, for services above & beyond...

skydancer, for snuggles & listening...
Aahz, for this past weekend...
The other people who have listened to me, held my hand, and generally helped me deal with my mother's recent death...
And on a work-related note, that I moved into a window cube (waves at

gaaneden). It's on the north side of the building so there isn't much glare, but I have Sunshine and Sky. :)

x-posted to

canacat

Tropicana had a stroke shortly after 4:30 today. At first she seemed annoyed that her rear legs weren't working properly and she had trouble breathing. Jesse was home and took her to the vet. By that time she was in pain, so the vet gave her a painkiller. I got to the vet's a bit after 6. We kissed her goodbye shortly after that.

Thanks

dianthus for bringing us dinner and keeping us company. Thanks too to

sar_anon,

k_crow & Sean for coming over with hugs and companionship.

I lived with & loved Cana for about 10 years. Over the past 4 years she became Jesse's as well. Goodbye, baby.

Current Mood: crying
Current Music: (What's So Funny 'bout) Peace, Love & Understanding