note on touch
Jan. 18th, 2004 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jenk''It's a very serious problem. If monkeys are deprived of touch, they kill each other,'' said Tiffany Field, who directs the University of Miami's Touch Research Institute. - Miami Herald article
Edit: Sorting through books tonight I ran across my copy of The Hug Therapy Book.
Touch has been something of an issue with me lately. There are people I'm fine with touching. Everyone else...argh.
It used to be my default was to be okay with touch, meaning that unless someone had in some way made me feel unsafe then I would touch / hug them. Some months ago my default switched. Now I'm only reliably comfortable with touching / hugging those who I am confident feel safe to me. Part of me feels guilty, in a "who am I to decide I'm too good to hug someone" way. If touch is a basic human need, who am I to deny it to others? I'm not quite at the point of the ex who got a massage license and then decided that she wasn't comfortable charging people for touch, but I've still got a big streak of guilt in me.
It's weird because I am an affectionate person. If anything, I'm the type who would touch too much, and now I may end up backing away when someone offers a hug. I'm trying to become more sensitive to other people's limits, and to not touch people who prefer that I don't touch them.
Then there's the inconsistency. If I'm feeling really good, my "do I feel safe" meter may seem permanently set to "YUPYUPYUP". I get people saying "You hugged me last week, what did I do?" Answer: nothing! Do they like to hear that? Um. Sometimes....
Edit: Sorting through books tonight I ran across my copy of The Hug Therapy Book.
Touch has been something of an issue with me lately. There are people I'm fine with touching. Everyone else...argh.
It used to be my default was to be okay with touch, meaning that unless someone had in some way made me feel unsafe then I would touch / hug them. Some months ago my default switched. Now I'm only reliably comfortable with touching / hugging those who I am confident feel safe to me. Part of me feels guilty, in a "who am I to decide I'm too good to hug someone" way. If touch is a basic human need, who am I to deny it to others? I'm not quite at the point of the ex who got a massage license and then decided that she wasn't comfortable charging people for touch, but I've still got a big streak of guilt in me.
It's weird because I am an affectionate person. If anything, I'm the type who would touch too much, and now I may end up backing away when someone offers a hug. I'm trying to become more sensitive to other people's limits, and to not touch people who prefer that I don't touch them.
Then there's the inconsistency. If I'm feeling really good, my "do I feel safe" meter may seem permanently set to "YUPYUPYUP". I get people saying "You hugged me last week, what did I do?" Answer: nothing! Do they like to hear that? Um. Sometimes....
