jenk

This is from Carolyn Hax's "Tell Me About It" column. She is specifically referring to resisting infidelity, but I think this applies to anyone who (perhaps) finds they like to be liked just a bit too much. You know: you don't really want to be there, but it's so flattering that they want you....

Assuming monogamy is what you actually want -- life choices aren't one-size-fits-all -- true fidelity has two sources. The second is your love for her. If that's shaky, you'll always wonder what else you can get.

The first is love for yourself. If that's shaky, you'll never get enough. Enough attention, enough flattery, enough sex, enough people's opinions of you, enough attempts to make everything better in one stroke.

Being good, for good, isn't really about changing. In fact, trying to change and failing can actually add to the bad.

Instead, take a hard look at yourself, and accept what's there, good and bad. Then, figure out some way to do what you're good at naturally, but that doesn't force you into constant battle with your weaknesses.

I'm not (just) talking about relationships; choosing the best-fitting hobbies, courses, career paths, churches, charities, hometowns, exercise routines, even clothing, can all help you build reserves of self-confidence, which will then help you seek out people for the right reasons (companionship) as opposed to the wrong ones (crutches, ego-feeding).

Mm. Thinking about my past in this context ... jobs, relationships ... interesting.